A lesson about Karma

On Mother’s Day weekend I was part of my first big expo show, had a booth, was doing an interactive painting table, had prints for sale and everything. (I will blog about that soon, too. I know I’ve been woefully bad at keeping things updated on here)

I put a lot of time, effort and money into this show and feel kinda like I didn’t really get much of any of the return I was hoping for. So, exhausted and a little dejected, I started tearing down my booth and hauling things out to the loading bay. I had to go pull my car around and because of our ridiculous one-way grid downtown, had to take about a four block detour. I turned off of a 4-lane street and just past the crosswalk something caught my eye. Fluttering paper… lots of it… MONEY!!! And, because I’m generally shameless, I pulled my car over and ran out into the middle of a downtown street and started chasing fluttering 20s 5s and 1s. Bill after bill, I worked my way across the street pleased at the wad of cash I’d collected. This magical trail then led me to a credit card, then an out-of-state ID and a few other important personal items. It put a face and a name to the money. My razor sharp conscience quickly burst any sort of dreamy bubble I had. I pocketed the cards and money, hopped back in my car and drove back to load up my things and process what had happened.

One hundred and nineteen dollars was the total of what I had gathered off of the street. This was several times more money that I had actually made in the 13 hours I was at the expo (yet still a fraction of what I had spent on it). I had stretched my business budget, our household budget, and our credit line into a nearly-existent gossamer thread over this. $120 would actually have made my day feel successful. But my damnable steadfast conscience held out. I loaded up my things and cut out into traffic, hurrying to get home and unload this car full of disappointment.

I sped up hoping to catch the green light at the intersection up ahead when I saw a young guy walking dejectedly along the curb. Being in the middle of downtown on a Saturday evening, this probably shouldn’t have even caught my attention, but there was something about him… I looked down at the ID atop the stack of money in my console, and there was something familiar about the tanned skin and sandy hair. I changed lanes quickly and pulled to a stop at the green light (sorry to anyone I may have cut off or otherwise inconvenienced in the process– my bad!). I gestured to him, actually I think I was pointing excitedly and shouting through the glass. He gave me a weird look and put his head back down until I opened my window and yelled the first thing that came to my head “Hey! You! Are you looking for money?!” He gave me another strange look through furrowed brows and stepped a bit closer this time yet maintaining a bit of distance from this woman who, by all appearances, hopped up on sleep deprivation and Red Bull, was a stark raving lunatic. I held up the money and a look of disbelief crossed his face. It was, in fact, his brother’s money clip that I had found scattered blocks away and half an hour earlier. Still dazed, he thanked me and explained that they were here on a trip.  He was still trying to shake the cloud of stress that had undoubtedly been following him down that sidewalk as I drove off feeling euphoric, better than if I had found that money with no strings attached, and with an overall sense that my day was a success after all.

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A Lesson About Karma, Part II

Yesterday I bought a lawn mower– a super awesome no-gas-needed reel mower! I whipped into my driveway, ran inside long enough to change out of my skirt and went back outside to mow my lawn. I was giddy and full of the kind of excitement that I get about really unusual and generally nerdy things. The kids were playing with friends and I was so caught up with my lawn and its new-mower smell (cut grass, not exhaust!) that I completely neglected to roll up the window in my car, let alone bring in my purse or lock the doors when we all came in for dinner and settled in for the night. Now, I’m not going to lie, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this (much to my husband’s chagrin). Last night was different, however–– someone else noticed and, with all of the ease and convenience I’d made possible, snatched my purse and took off.

Don’t worry! There is a silver lining to my disorganized scatter-brain because most of my various credit and debit cards were strewn about my house on random counter-tops, in a tote bag, or tucked into pants pockets. I had also just spent all of my cash on that lovely new mower, and my scavenger-children poached all of my spare change (seriously, I couldn’t even pay a parking meter yesterday!). This left my ID, a Kohl’s charge card, and a debit card for an account that only has $14 in it in my wallet. Annoyed at myself and ignoring my husband’s “not to say I-told-you-so, but I told you so” lecture, I paced around the house hoping that I had hung my stuff somewhere out of the ordinary and it wasn’t really gone.

Finally I called and reported both cards and filed a report with the police because I thought my check book was in there too (but it turned up in my glove compartment haha). As the reporting officer drove away I walked back to my house thinking “damn, I thought I should at least get a karmic return on investment from that expo…”

Less than an hour later my sweet neighbor from a few houses down, whom I had just met about a month ago, knocked at my door. Some construction workers (out on a Saturday, even!) found my purse near her driveway and brought it to her. The purse and wallet had been ransacked, but nothing was missing! Well, except two out of the three fortune cookies left from dinner a few nights ago.

how far I’ve come

It’s easy to look back at all the mistakes I’ve made, where I fell short, or let myself down.  I am always hesitant to let myself get excited about the good parts, or to share my personal celebrations with others for fear that it will somehow be jinxed or that I’m getting ahead of myself and will then later have to explain my defeat. But today I am going to look at the positive that came from the last year.

I decided to take control of my life. I came to the conclusion that I can’t sit around waiting for life to happen, and that doing what I truly wanted to be doing wasn’t going to magically appear.  I realized that I didn’t have to jump through the hoops of what I believed was always expected of me first– degree and a “real” career– before I was allowed to chase my dreams.  I remember sitting through a class at city hall the summer after high school to get my child care license to work in a daycare and the woman leading the class gave an introductory speech and (I have no idea how this ties in to working part-time at a daycare) she said, “Do what you love, and the money will follow.”  That stuck with me, but I never quite believed it.  I tried plenty of jobs, ventures, even studied towards a specialized degrees where I had the potential to be making money, and tried and tried to love it enough to really make the money come in, but it never did.  I resigned myself to the idea that maybe it was only something for the lucky few.

A few years ago I went back to school after having my second son to pursue a degree in the field I had been working entry-level in.  Despite near-perfect grades, I dropped out of college… for the second time in 3 years.  I fell into a deep depression and was drawn toward my art room where I subsequently spent any waking hour that I didn’t otherwise feel obligated to be taking care of my family or going to work.  That first piece I painted was small– barely a square foot– but probably packed with more emotion and more catharsis than I have put into anything else in my life.  That piece spun off an idea for another painting, and another, and another still.  Over the next year, the act slowly turned from purgation, to process, to pleasure.  I was reconnected with my missing piece.

That was my epiphany, not in the sudden and astonishing sense of the word, but in the arduous and painful way that life presents most of its important lessons.  Art has always been where I have felt happiest. It is challenging, it is rewarding, it allows me to be myself.  Isn’t that what everyone wants out of their career?

But then there’s the money part.

Like I have mentioned before, my husband and I have been working diligently toward financial security and because of his overall kickassedness he got a promotion that made up the difference of my part-time income, allowing me to feel a little less stretched between the demands of parenthood and everyday life and the calling of my art studio.  I got prints made of some of my existing work, was able to pick up a few commissioned pieces here and there, but even riding the enthusiastic wave of new-venture, things waned. It wasn’t until last September when someone in my group of mom-friends had mentioned hearing of a place where you could go out for an evening and paint, that I had the idea to try a similar idea.  Applying the same concepts I had learned in my dismal stint in direct sales of the Mary Kay nature, I convinced a group of gals to let me walk them through a painting over the course of a couple hours and as many bottles of wine.  The ease with which it came caught be off guard, it was something I never felt peddling my wares in another person’s home, not even my mother’s living room.  Another request for a party came along, and before I knew it, I am doing what I love and the money is following.

I still have a lot to learn, much growing to do both personally and as a businesswoman, but for the first time in my life I feel like everything is right.  There may not be any footprints ahead of me, but the path feels familiar and the further down it I travel, the more amazed I am with the distances I am covering.

With that, I am going to leave you with a bit of perspective.  The painting below is the first-ever acrylic painting I made. It is from one of my high school art classes with Ms. Younger (who will forever hold a place in the credit-roll).  It’s 12″x 18″ on illustration board, recreated from a photograph from Antarctica.  Oh, how far I’ve come.

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A little something

I made this with what little time I had this last week.  In case you need to be caught up, my husband and I bought a house and have been moving.  And, as you may have noticed a running theme throughout my posts, nothing can happen by itsself.  This coincided with a business trip my husband had to take, and our 4 and 6 year olds getting sick.  So, once again, I have been juggling…

The background is a photo of the background of a painting that I am working on. I happened across this quote and thought it was so appropriate, given the election season atmosphere.  Feel free to snag this and share it, if you’re so inclined!

If you’re on facebook, be sure to stop by my page and click like!  It’s much easier for me to post small updates there.  (But don’t worry, you guys get all the really awesome stuff!)

faster than the speed of life

Taking a break for a quick update!  Life has been blowing by full speed lately.  Summer ended, kids’ school started, we decided to buy a house and are in the middle of that process right now (we are in the “bank limbo” stage… all this waiting is killing me!), my painting parties are off with astonishing success, and I’m excited to be working with a local business to offer painting classes on a weekly basis in their space as well.  *whew!* that was exhausting just to type.  Oh, and 5 hours of dance rehearsal for me and kiddo for our big recital this weekend.  Am I missing anything else? (probably).  Oh yes, add in the smattering of concerts, birthday parties, other family events, and a  round of the stomach flu.

Did I tell you we’re planning a weeklong vacation next month?  I can’t wait.  …..what’s that?  our closing date on the house might get pushed into the middle of our vacation?  *sigh* At this rate, I may not even survive long enough to go on vacation.

I have been working on a few other projects as I can.  Here is a sample as well as a photo from the last party I did where we took an Autumn landscape and abstracted it.  And I am loving my new venture so much, I might add.  Nothing like feeling like you’ve not only found a path, but to also be the one who is building the trail.  A big thanks to my husband, my parents and his, all the lovely ladies having parties, and to everyone else who has ever believed in me.

Full Time

I have not received a paycheck since the 2nd of August.

I am now officially living my dream. I am going from part-time somethingorother to full time artist.  There is something simultaneously liberating, empowering, and terrifying about it all. If you have been following me for long, you know that self-starting and self-motivating are not my strongest points. But here I am, attempting to be self-employed (while also raising my children and maintaining my home)

***pause to stop hyperventilating***

I am dedicating my time to bring my art to life. I have a list a mile long and a pile a mile deep of projects that are waiting anxiously for their moment of manifestation.

In a stroke of serendipity, I have stumbled across a way to support my habit–  private instruction and Painting Parties.  Please follow the link to learn more, and feel free to contact me with questions.

***deep breath***

Here I go.  Wish me luck.

Saying Goodbye

In my last post (which I know was neglectfully long ago, but if you haven’t read it, please do, and understand that not much has let up since then) I wrote about my awesome husband and his awesome promotion, well, there’s more to the story.  I don’t like to count my chicks before they’re hatched so I held off on revealing that his promotion also meant that I was able to leave my job.  My last day officially was last Thursday. I am planning on dedicating more time and effort into turning my hobby, my art, into something larger.  Perhaps not a career, but at least something self-sustaining.

I have been a developmental therapist for the last 5 years, with the last four working specifically with children. If you’re not familiar with that line of therapy, it is basically a play-based therapy that reinforces life skills based on the needs of each client based on his or her developmental disabilities.  Sometimes it is filling in the gaps of areas that aren’t covered by more mainstream therapies like Physical, Speech, or Occupational Therapy, and often times will be reinforcing those therapies as well.  For the last three years and a few months, I have had the privilege of working with one particularly sweet little boy with Down Syndrome.  I was at his house for most of our therapy, and during those last three years I have not only seen him grow from barely more than a toddler into a little boy preparing to start first grade.  I have seen him grow into his charm, his sense of humor, his independence, and into athletic skill that truly exceeds those of most typical children his age.  I was a part of huge breakthrough moments that made me proud literally to tears.  I have been there through surgery, illnesses, and certainly our fair share of plain ol’ bad days.  But beyond my relationship with him, I was a part of their home for hours a day.  I was there to help him welcome both of his younger siblings.  I was there to see the triumphs and tribulations of the entire household, and even with my best attempts at maintaining professional boundaries, they are such a genuinely kind family that I could not help but to be made to feel like I was a part of it. I am beyond excited to be able to dedicate more time to my family, my artwork and everything else, but it was not an easy farewell.  I did not just leave my job, but what do you call it when it is more than just a paycheck?

In addition, last week was also my youngest son’s last day of preschool at the cooperative we have been with for the last two years, where my boys and I have both met wonderful friends, and an environment that makes it practically impossible for anyone not to do the same.  We are preparing for our oldest’s Kindergarten graduation coming in a few weeks as well.

And, last but not least, I finished another painting who will be making her way to a permanent home in the coming days.  She has pushed me technically and creatively.  One of my bigger pieces to date, at 2′ by 3′ a lot of hours have gone into it, and a as always a part of me bleeds out into the paint.

To put it mildly, this has been a painfully bittersweet week, full of the endings of chapters opening into the uncertainty of the blank calendar pages and canvases to follow.  So stick around… who knows what will happen next?

Earth Goddess; acrylic on board 3′ x 2′

detail

Chicks to be Counted…

In the spirit of Eastre and the new Sun of Spring, things seem to be turning a new leaf.  There are hints of change floating on the earthy, floral scented winds of the season. There is a hope of things to come, the anticipation of their coming to fruition.  Life is in motion, and it would seem that opportunities are blossoming at every turn, and I can’t wait to let you all in on it.  But, for now I am erring on the side of caution, and not counting my chicks before they hatch.  I am so excited for the year to come, and can’t wait to share it with you –you– whose support, encouragement, kind words, and mere interest in the ramblings and messiness I call this adventure of a life, have given me the courage and motivation to continue and push through the hard, cold soil of Winter and into the radiant sunshine of Spring.

...waiting...

Real Food is Beautiful

When you can’t find me playing in colors, or chasing my children, odds are you will find me in the kitchen.

I have discovered an ardor for cooking, and have delved into the world of “real foodism,” that is to say, that I look beyond the label and have really researched the food industry (primarily in the US) and what I have discovered has driven me to create meals mindfully (and would strongly encourage you to do the same, dear friend. But this little blog won’t hold my soapbox, so I will spare you).  Anyway, you could truly say it is one of my passions.  Now if only I could capture the aroma….

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“You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Letting Loose

This year has been one giant kick-in-the-butt catalyst for practically everyone I know.  These changes have been a long time coming, and it seems like they are all going to happen at once.  I don’t want to count my chicks before they’re hatched, so details will have to wait, as things are in motion but won’t be really happening for the next month or two.  Doors will be opening, but that means that a few will have to be closed and this has been a source of some anxiety for me. I like to have a plan (even when I don’t stick to it) when I am facing big transitions, but all this waiting leaves my mind too free to mircro-analyze things with far too many variables to do any good at all. It’s like peeling a bandage off slowly, when I really just want it to happen and be done already– a deep breath, a quick tug, and then the relief of fresh air hitting healed wound. It’s all part of some lesson, I’m sure. Learning to cut ties with the illusion of power and control and just let loose, perhaps.

I have had so many ideas floating around in my head the past week that haven’t made it onto the paper I didn’t have time to bother with ornate details so I grabbed my 6B sketching pencil (yes, SIX-B, 2B isn’t the only kind of pencil haha) and clipped some newsprint onto my drawing board and let loose.  There is something really cathartic about being able to just get everything out of my head without worrying about being perfect, especially after a stressful week.  These poppies have been really speaking to me for the next big piece I am working on, this is the first time I’ve ever drawn poppies, but we seem to get along nicely, don’t you?  There will be a lot of sketching and scheming in preparation for this next one, and I’m excited to share my adventure with you.

Japanese Poppy, sketch

 

Happy Mess

Hi friends! I’m back from a pre-Spring Break vacation!

Okay, well I didn’t really go anywhere, but I took a long weekend away from most of my day-to-day responsibilities to indulge myself and recharge my batteries (oh, and it was my birthday yesterday, so I decided the entire weekend preceding was mine for the taking). 

Spring Break starts next week, you see.  Most people look forward to the reprieve, but if any of the past school holidays have been any indicator, it just means a whole week home with both of my boys who will be turning 4 and 6 at the end of Spring.  They are great kids and I love hanging out with them, but our house seems to get proportionately smaller with each day we spend cooped up inside it all together.  It has been a long Winter and with last week’s teasing with 60° weather followed by several days of rain/sleet/snow we are all plunged hopelessly into the vice-grip of Spring Fever.

Like you may have read in earlier posts, I have a lot going on pretty much all of the time. I’m not so great at prioritizing all the time, but I’m still pretty dang good at rationalizing and making excuses.  I will admit, with a heavy dose of chagrin, that I have not been as dedicated to this project for what it started out to be.  Although, in all fairness, I haven’t dropped the ball entirely, and have still been focusing way more time and energy on all aspects of this part of my life- the sketches, the finished pieces, the business end, the blog, the networking, etc. It just isn’t following the original goal I have set, but still certainly falls within some boundary etched in shades of grey, right? …Or am I rationalizing again?

Anyway, I digress. I had an amazing weekend, all 5 ½ days of it. I am ready to dive back into this craziness I call my life, pouring a little bit more of my soul onto some canvas, chasing the tornadoes that are my boys, catching the rest of the pieces of my life as they fling by, and just doing my best in the midst of my happy mess.